its all in moderation.

Tonight was a new experience that i would love to never feel again. A damp, cold room surrounded the four of us; The outside soaking into the room, soaking into our heads. Most memories remain foggy, but i would like to remember them this way. Resting my ass on a small guitar amp, listening to a variety of random details of a roadtrip, listening for the exact directions of how to pass a quest for fallout 3, i turn my head each direction from which sound is coming. Back and forth, back and forth. Each time a word is spoken, my muscles are warmed from a smooth steady motion bringing them to a steady stop. The only question that remains... do i want her to stay the night tonight?

And I scream for the sunlight...

My skin slightly burns from the sun filling my open pores, bleaching my thin hair, creating melanin. My darkened dogs closely eye a young pup in the yard over as he dances in the wind. The wind blows gently, then fools me by howling through the clouds and sometimes sharing a gust in the grass. My ass is flat against an old wooden bench that was at one time red, but now looks more like dirt, mud and rock than anything else. My phone lie quiet, resting the in the shadow of my laptop while my anxious heart awaits my beauty; Along with her puppy. The birds chirp in their nests far above any head level and flies are finding their way out into the open. My yard remains damp from winter's final snow, everywhere except where the sun beams. I can feel the hemp gently hugging my neck while the wind blows every hair atop my head out of wack.

"And I scream for the sunlight..."
-Conor Oberst.

A poem on a page.

Ani DiFranco fills my ears along with my cat and her snoring. Light fills my room, only today, a bit more blue fills the empty grey. Cars still pass with a lack of urgency; this is when I realize I have two days to finish possibly six hours of gruesome homework to before midterms after the weekend. I always thought i was one who lacked a life outside of myself, but this last month has proven otherwise. Chest pains have become a regular and I have yet to decide the reasoning. Choosing between my lack of love and my passionate friendships deems impossible during my times of scholarly stress. Conor Oberst now fills my ears, overpowering the snores of my kitty. I envy the passion in his voice; his perfect choice of simple guitar riffs mixed with obvious lyrics that condescend so much that nearly no one can notice. I almost feel offended.

I'm tired.
I am tired.

Today is a day, unlike any other.

So again, I wish i could write.
Practice, Time, Silence; The path to success.
Loss, Patience, Passion; Answers to the test.

the sun reflects through the clutter of condensation held up by strings afloat in the sky. A cool winter's grey hovers throughout the trees and cars pass with no urgency. Sleepy and relaxed, Puss shares the arm of my father's reclining chair with my elbows resting atop each one. Clicks of a keyboard resound through the house while faint barks can be heard from outside. Silence; The true essence would terrify me in an instant. The thought of no sound; no life.
The sun presses through the clutter of condensation held up by strings afloat in the sky. A smile attacks my face; teeth not yet showing. One more happy thought can change that. Today is thursday. Today is my day.

random rambling.

AHHHHHH.
its 60 DEGREES F in kc.
whoaaa...
i know. i know.


school.
work.
eat.
sleep.
repeat.
copeland?


2:57 and counting. pm.
14:57.


blargh.

Jealousy is my Rivalry

Ok, so... I have this little problem. The only REAL problem associated with it, is that this little problem i have had... it gets thrown into some HUGE issues. I get jealous. I think everyone gets jealous, but I mean I get JEALOUS. Sweaty palms, frantic breathing, nausea, anxiety... I mean the whole nine yards. I don't like that i have this problem, and for the last year and six months it really hasn't been an issue, until now. Its like everytime I catch her texting him, or talking to him on facebook, or anything i freak out. Not at her, most of the time, but on the inside. I bottle it up until i explode. When i explode, its not pretty. I wish i could control it like i was able to for this past year. I guess that's something that i'll have to work on, but man... I freakin' hate it.
well, good luck in the new year. I wouldn't bother making a resolution, because we all know it wont hold.

And the trees began to fall...

Have you ever wanted events to turnout differently, and then when they do, still not be happy with the results? Have you ever been so selfish that nothing will sooth your aching soul and no one will ever complete your other half? Have you ever been so... just... down in the dumps knowing that you're supposed to live alone for the rest of your life, but still you lead this perfectly amazing girl on to believe you know what you want out of life? All i have to say... don't let yourself fall to that point. Just... don't.